First Reader Feedback

These are samples of feedback writers have received from Creative Byline first readers, edited to protect the writers’ privacy and projects. We don't do the work of developing, polishing, or copyediting writers’ manuscripts; what we offer is an objective perspective that will help writers present their best work to editors.

Children's Picture Book 

This is a nice story that should work well for a children’s picture book. The rhythm is engaging and is nicely carried out throughout the story. You’ve chosen “high-impact” words that may well appeal to young “readers.” Very nice!
 
With a thorough copyedit, your manuscript should be ready for submission to an editor. Pay particular attention to issues of grammar (“for me and Joe”) and to variations in the spelling of your character’s names.

Overall, this is a sweet story that is nicely told.

Children's Nonfiction 9-12 

Overall, I think this looks like a strong manuscript. The narrative is clean and easy to follow… I do think it needs a last revision to remove typos and grammatical errors. Also, I would suggest either a brief introduction or opening paragraph…Finally, I would expand the outline to include information about what will be covered in each chapter…other than these… I think this is a fine manuscript.

Children's Nonfiction 9-12 

Outline reflects an organized, logical development but needs more details about the content of each section. I’d add 3-4 sentences to each header to sketch out what’s covered.

Sample chapters are impressive. The writing is clear and engaging; it presents good information in an appealing way, and it seems to move cleanly and logically from your introduction toward the proposed purpose. Nice job.

Marketing information needs a lot of fleshing out. This is particularly important in a nonfiction, niche book such as this. You’ve got to sell the publisher on the book…Tell us more about [your] credentials (especially in this subject area) and writing credits (titles/publishers)... And spend a little time selling the topic: who would want to buy this book, and why and when?

You can write well and organize clearly, and your research seems right on target. Now you need to spend energy on the “extras” that can help you position and sell the book (because that helps the publisher position and sell it, too).

YA Fiction 

The story has vague similarities to [title], but this manuscript needs more attention to accurate historical context (flesh out the time and setting) and realistic life… of that period. These details can be both educational and fascinating, and they can strengthen and enrich your plot – which…[leans] way more toward “romance” than historical fiction…

This section of the story has too much dialog and reflection and not enough action. It needs to move outside… The only action we get is in the brief flashbacks or exchanges about the fight…and those bits don’t present a clear picture of what happened…

You’ve got elements of an engaging story here, but I think it needs a clearer, cleaner direction. A tightly worked outline would help to move the narrative forward and give direction toward a climax. Also, the story needs to incorporate more historical details and accurate… descriptions (carefully researched and presented). Those elements could strengthen both story and characters, and offer a more complex, richer tapestry to the reader.

Adult Nonfiction 

For a narrow, niche topic such as this, these items [marketing items and supporting documents] are essential… Who is the reader you’re aiming at? ...And for a specialty topic like this, you’ll also need to sell the author: background, credentials, previous published articles or books, etc.

Writing… seems more suitable in style and length to a professional journal than a book. I think this manuscript would far better be aimed at professional… journals.

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